The Power (and Fun) of Single

Feb 27, 2012 by

Society is beginning to realize something us long-time, extremely single people have known all along. It’s fun to be single. And, I’m not talking single bars and all-night parties.  Although I do admit, I had a really, really, really  good time in my younger days. I could never run for public office. ‘nuf said. Thank GOD they didn’t have Facebook back then. Although it would have been nice to have voice mail; I might not have wasted all those hours hanging around all casual, waiting for a guy to call…(Remember? Oh, I know you did it too.  And sometimes you picked up the phone to make sure it had dial tone.)  But I digress… ANYWAY, single has become legit! We’re no longer those poor, sad people who droop home to dusty little apartments to...

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atsGf A Pithy Book Review

Jul 14, 2011 by

atsGf A Pithy Book Review is the idea of Gf Dorothéa Bozicolona-Volpe who suggested we supplement traditional book reviews with ones that are 2 lines and a strong opinion. Hope you enjoy! Dorothéa Bozicolona-Volpe – This book is incredibly insightful and very well researched. The contributors and content that Ms. De Paulo has woven together in such an astute fashion makes this a good read for both men and women. It should be distributed by every single person that has been discriminated against in the workplace, advertisers, financial institutions, amongst married/ coupled-off friends, and society as a whole. Marianne Richmond –  Bella DePaulo’s book is based upon the definition of singlism as a social concept; “negative stereotypes and discrimination faced by singles.” She and her co-authors find this marginalization of and discrimination against single women in all...

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“Singlism” by Bella DePaulo – The plight of the 40% of adults...

Jul 13, 2011 by

Singism by Bella DePaulo could be the sophisticated Uncle Tom’s Cabin. Like that iconic but sentimental work, Singlism might just call the right attention to the tragic treatment of those not in a legal marriage. The Census Bureau counts them as 40% of the adult population. If you are among them like I have been all my life, you probably have not had an easy time of it. The odds are that, like people of color and those with alternate sexual orientations once did, you sought therapy, tried to comply with whatever and fit in, and self-destructed through shame. In Singlism, DePaulo turns on all the lights about the bias and bad [perhaps illegal] behavior toward singles. We, for example, are refused rentals. Employers expect us to pick up the slack when the married leave...

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Interview with Bella DePaulo, PhD...

Jul 11, 2011 by

Recently, I was playing following the link. You know how that goes .. you click on one link it takes you to another site and so on. If you’re lucky you land on some pretty cool sites. It must have been my lucky day because I came across a series of articles by Dr. Bella DePaulo on Psychology Today. The good doc is focusing on Living and Being Single. In addition to her posts she has written several books including Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. As Anne of Green Gables might put it, DePaulo is indeed a kindred spirit. Dr. DePaulo’s work validates the focus of All The Single Girlfriends down to our concept of “single in spirit.”  We thought she’d make a great guest...

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All The Single Girlfriends Back Story...

Apr 28, 2011 by

February 14, 2011 Dear Girlfriends, Welcome to All The Single Girlfriends! atsGf is a social content destination created especially for women 40+ who approach the world with attitude and style. It just happens that at this point in our lives, we may do it without a life partner or we may not be in a traditional committed relationship. At its heart All The Single Girlfriends is “real” women the sharing stories of their lives with “real” girlfriends .. talking about things girlfriends talk about. Back Story – I thought it would be fun to find a place in the digital world where I could hang out with other women who had similar life experiences. So I searched and searched and searched some more. What I discovered were sites for women of all ages, sites...

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Ask The Girlfriends

Apr 7, 2011 by

This post is the first in an All The Single Girlfriends series: Ask The Girlfriends. We thought the collective life  experience/”wisdom” of the Gf authors might help younger women sort through a few of life’s challenges. As our way of giving back to women under 30, Gf authors will answer questions about life, career, relationships and well .. we’ll see where this takes us. Most of us realize by the time we reach our age that we left some great advice sitting unused on the table because it came from our mothers or some other purveyor of unsolicited advice designed it seemed only to burst our bubbles or cramp our style. With this series we’re reaching out to women under 30 and asking them to provide a question to us that they want some help...

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Ohhh … So THAT’S Why (I’m Not Married)...

Mar 2, 2011 by

If you are like me, you have some friends who you intangibly just sense will not get married, at least any decade soon. You can sit around a table at lunch and know that wherever they are in the dating cycle, be it flirting, passion or boredom, it’s almost mute to talk about because they will be back around again. And again. I’m also in this “mortally single” class of woman myself. From observation I have deduced that this plight is not founded on looks or physical type. It is not geographical location. It is not even a specific career or education, though most mortally single women I know are smarter than the average bear. I have never been able to really put it into words very well, but read two blog articles today...

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Visualize The Bell Curve: Single Girlfriend Style...

Feb 23, 2011 by

That’s how I start my spiel about my single status.  It qualifies as a kind of default statement until another theory replaces it. But it has worked as an explanation for some years and I share it with you in the hopes it provides an explanation as opposed to an excuse for your unpaired situation. And before I go farther, I have to admit I am math phobic, so any corrections based on real math will be appreciated but useless.  It’s the idea here, not the details, that matters. Here we go: Visualize the Bell Curve (also known as standard distribution).  You remember it, two tiny ‘tails’ on each side with the big bump in the middle. The big bump represents 95% out of the 100% whole. That leaves 2 ½ % on each...

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Single: Addressing the Professional Stigma...

Feb 22, 2011 by

The single state, at least for women, is a mixed bag professionally. Sure, on the one hand, employers discriminate favorably in hiring and promoting single women.  They recognize the advantage of having on their team those of us who have few pressing family obligations, bring in that paycheck, and a strong work ethic. There are now a number of discrimination employment lawsuits in professional services such as law contending the employers demoted or terminated those who acquired family responsibilities. On the other hand, once we’re hired, the workplace can be a tricky environment for single woman.  Some of us are resented because we have the scheduling freedom to accommodate the employers’s or clients’s needs, even whims. The hostility can be palpable.  Some are treated with condescension.  One boss invited me to be “with his...

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Home Alone On A Saturday Night

Feb 18, 2011 by

I’ve been officially single since 1974. Separate from several ‘long-term’ relationships never lasting longer than 5 years, and only one that included a live-in partner for less than a year, I have managed my life as a single woman with serious attention to the elements that make it work. ‘Variety in Balance’ is a mantra of sorts for me. My astrologer friend gives her equivalent of a “Duh” nod, knowing that my Libra Sun Sign, my Enneagram point as a 7 and my Myers-Briggs personality type as ENFP, indicate a high need for interaction and stimulus. Thus the importance of the unspoken rule: “Always have plans for Saturday night.” Plans mean other people and leaving the house, although I also invite people to my house for dinner and an evening of good talk and maybe a...

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Unapologetically Single At 40

Feb 13, 2011 by

There was an article I read about how annoying it is to be constantly harassed as to why one is still single.  I share that annoyance.  It even gets more annoying when people point out that you’re 40 AND still single.  As if being single at 40 is some dreadful contagious disease or a crime against humanity. I do not feel the urge to get married.  Yet.  Maybe, it’s too much Oprah watching.  But there is no siren’s call that is seducing me to the state of happy matrimony. That is not to say, however, I do not dream of weddings.  I do.  In terms of a fabulous gown, an astounding cake and that exciting walk down a preferably loooong aisle.  The better to show off my gown, of course.  I’m not supermodel material...

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Dating in the Middle Ages

Feb 12, 2011 by

So…Many of my girlfriends, too many, have been saying that men no longer approach them. The same is pretty much true for me. I have average looks, I get it. But half of these women are gorgeous, 2 are models in fact. They are from 30’s to 50’s. So it’s not a specific age, not a specific profession, and not all are in my geographic area. The conclusion is that men on the most part just do not bother dating much anymore, and these women agree. It’s a fact. Men think about it on occasion, they might start a dating profile, but they don’t make the effort to actually go on dates. OK, maybe once in a long while, but not often enough to really start a relationship. In fact, there is a new web series...

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