Valentine’s Day Observations

Want to know how folks in relationships spend Valentine’s Day? From DINKS to polyamory, check out the guide from CNN on how people spend Valentine’s Day. While interesting I admittedly, I skipped to what I thought might be the juicier bits regarding the relationships with multiple romantic partners. I learned nothing new other than the author’s advice ‘If you are in a couple, you should consider stepping up your game.’

Then when I was looking around for Valentine’s Day chocolate ideas on Facebook my friend Constantina posted this: NYC sewage plant to offer Valentine’s Day tours. Evidently, each tour ends with a Hershey’s chocolate kiss – not the chocolate I was seeking, I assure you. As you can see recently, I had the opportunity to absorb more data about dating and romance than one should.

I was on a road trip with my friend Judy – we were headed to a conference in a neighboring state. When I was not busying myself by playing Auto DJ (I love to DJ car tunes and expose friends / folks to new genres of music), I listened to Judy recount romantic stories of her past. Judy is super-cool and lived in the 60’s. I am so fascinated with that time period that I listened intently.

The gist of it was that while she was completely happy with her marriage, there were a few past boyfriends that she sometimes wondered about because they were compatible to her in a different way.  They had, perhaps, more of or some qualities that she always liked to have in a mate.

So it got me thinking about compatibility and the next week an article shows up in Mashable; 7 new fun sites to find your match. I had actually heard of almost all of them and have utilized 1 or 2 and have to admit it was fun, but even thought they proclaim that their algorithms were set to find someone perfect for everyone of their members – well,  you know where this is headed. I am still single right?

And then, this past Sunday, there was an article on on-line dating in The New York Times: The Dubious Science of Online Dating.  Where they confirm that dating sites ‘don’t take into account the environment surrounding the relationship: factors like job loss, financial strain, infertility and illness. But research indicates that when couples encounter such stresses or unexpected demands on their energy, their satisfaction with their relationship declines and their risk for breaking up increases.’ 

They even utilize an example of a 2004 study by the psychologist Lisa Neff, wives who experienced relatively high levels of stress outside of their marriage tended to evaluate their marriage increasingly negatively over time.

And then there are those nasty, algorithms- the article goes on to explain, ‘Another major problem with the algorithms of dating sites is that the information that they do collect — about individual characteristics — accounts for only a tiny slice of what makes two people suited for a long-term relationship. Certainly, some characteristics predict relationship well-being. For example, decades of research confirms that people tend to have troubled romantic relationships if they are emotionally volatile, were mistreated as children or abuse drugs or alcohol.‘

Lastly, while in traffic this VERY evening, I learned from Marketplace.org: The surprising appeal of solo living. Turns out that staying single stimulates more than just the economy.

I think this Valentine’s Day, rather than go out for dinner and designer chocolate, I am going to have a chat with several people I am compatible with, why don’t you tune in to:

 All The Single Girlfriends Valentine Day Anniversary podcast. Date: 2/14 Time: 7p-8p Dial-in numnber: 724. 444.7444 Call ID 97682 or join the call online.

At the very least, it does not involve a romantic tour of a sewage plant : )

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