Home Alone On A Saturday Night
Doing Exactly What You Want!
I’ve been officially single since 1974. Separate from several ‘long-term’ relationships never lasting longer than 5 years, and only one that included a live-in partner for less than a year, I have managed my life as a single woman with serious attention to the elements that make it work.
‘Variety in Balance’ is a mantra of sorts for me. My astrologer friend gives her equivalent of a “Duh” nod, knowing that my Libra Sun Sign, my Enneagram point as a 7 and my Myers-Briggs personality type as ENFP, indicate a high need for interaction and stimulus.
Thus the importance of the unspoken rule: “Always have plans for Saturday night.” Plans mean other people and leaving the house, although I also invite people to my house for dinner and an evening of good talk and maybe a movie from my Netflix Instant Queue.
Occasionally those plans could be about deciding to stay home with a good movie to watch, new music to listen to, a desired book to read, or whatever other activity makes me feel cared for. But I admit that is not my default preference.
What I try to avoid is suddenly finding that my plans for Saturday night are changed due to sickness or another impediment on the part of whoever I was planning to be with.
It happened last week and I felt an old sense of panic which reminded me of being in high school and worrying that I wasn’t popular if I wasn’t busy on Saturdays. It may be that “Everybody Loves Saturday Night, ” but that’s true only if Saturday night carries the special anticipation of friends, activity, something that makes it different from other nights.
I briefly think about how being a part of a couple basically takes care of that concern. There is always someone there to stay home or go out with. While that seems like an appealing idea for a brief moment, I realize how much I like having my life to myself and my plans or lack of them to work out on my own.
However, being with the same person all the time doesn’t manage the variety or the balance part of my rules for happy singleness. I have a relatively wide circle of friends who I make plans with, including couples. I enjoy being with them and rarely wish the same situation for myself.
Because, to be honest, one of the best parts of having plans for Saturday night is coming home, going through my night-time rituals and climbing into bed with the pile of books and magazines by my side. There is always a novel in progress – right now it’s Olive Kittredge by Elizabeth Strout, a non-fiction book – Positivity by Barbara Frederickson and recent editions of the New Yorker, the New York Times Magazine and either Shambala Sun or Spirituality and Health. I alternate chapters from the books with articles in the magazines and feel totally happy.
I won’t even share my bed with Zen, my hugging cat, despite his plaintive pleas. For me, the perfect Saturday night ends alone, reading and contemplating how nice it will be to sleep in on Sunday.
About the Author
Rebecca Crichton Has Written 40 Articles For Us!
I try to stay aware of one main concept: We see things through different lenses. We get caught in our own belief systems and most of us are pretty attached to being right. I am one of those inveterate Life Long Learners. I like new ideas, new experiences, new people, new challenges.
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Good to know I’m not the only one who enjoys dating myself on Saturday nights. LOL!
Rebecca,
How different we all are. I cherish long spaces of alone time and rarely make plans to go out. Of course, I’m a recent widow, but I don’t ever remember planning the way you do. On the one hand, I’m in awe of your intentionality; on the other, as you say, we see “through different lenses,” which is quite wonderful. Thanks for sharing some of the ins and outs of your life, and your reading list as well. Esther
Love this post, Rebecca! For years, I used to make sure I had Saturday night plans. Part of it was driven by the 9-to-5-with-weekends-free culture, which began in college. Working hard all week meant that I had to party hard on the weekends. Since I quit my day job to become a full-time artist, I left behind that culture, and my “weekends” became Sunday and Monday, or Wednesday and Thursday. Or quite often, as it is with most small businesses, I’d have no weekends at all! So I learned to enjoy whatever free time I had, and to revel in the sometimes simple pleasures that relaxed me more that trying to “do” something special. Thanks for that reminder that it’s OK to stay at home with a good book! – SerenaK
What a great post Rebecca! When I first found myself sitting home alone on a Saturday night (after my last divorce) I went into a dead panic. The last time I’d been single–in my 30’s–I would always be out on a Saturday. Sitting home was for losers. What I discovered wasn’t that it made me a loser at all. How long can one really be a Saturday night party animal without looking really foolish. Sitting home on a Saturday night can be, as you talk about, a true pleasure and full relaxation time. And when life is real busy, it might be the only relaxation time we have. 🙂
It’s amazing how that panic can hold so many old messages. What constitutes fun, who decides it, who we do it with and all those considerations play a big role. And when I have had a jammed schedule, as I have this week, I just want to be home with my Netflix instant queue with my cat on my belly and know I don’t have to interact with anybody else.
What a difference one little letter can make. While your ENFP propels you to Saturday night activities, my INFP is ambivalent as far as Saturday night goes. It’s not that I completely avoid Saturday nights (I’m actually having dinner with friends tomorrow) but I don’t make plans with intentionality and if I find myself, byself on a Saturday night, I’m perfectly okay with that.
Having said that, one of my goals for my 60th year is to work at being more social. As a natural recluse, being social takes a lot of energy. Still, I want to host some dinner parties, maybe try hosting a salon this year. I just know I can’t do it on a weekly basis.
And on weeks like this past one when I went to the theater on Thursday, had dinner out on Monday and Wednesday evenings and can’t remember what i did Tuesday,the idea of staying home alone feels deliciously decadent.
Elana, we can help each other manage our E’s and I’s. I love the idea of a regular salon. That way we are home with friends on a Saturday night – or whichever night we choose.