Hiding In A Huge Way
A Better Me Through Bariatric Surgery ..
Big Question: Why did I think gaining weight would be protective?
I’m just coming up to one month post-bariatric surgery. There are still lots of questions going through my mind. The first couple of weeks were fairly easy, I was on an extremely restricted diet and the weight just melted off.
Now I’m supposed to begin eating a more “normal” diet, but I’m not sure what normal is. My past portion size was my real downfall. I was not much of a junk eater, though I did love my potato chips. I really did not over indulge in snack-type foods. What I did do was eat huge amounts of healthy food. Healthy or not, super sizing leads to super sizes.
So I’ve decided that I really need to look at my relationship to food. Like any relationship, there are good times and bad. Unfortunately, this co-dependent relationship is not a good one for me. I’m struggling with exactly why I think food fills an emotional void. I’ve been in the same emotional state for so long I’m not sure I’d recognize what is really going on. I feel like I’ve been living in a sort of “no man’s land” for a long, long time–hyper focused but not really seeing what is going on internally. What am I hiding from, what is so scary that I wanted to cover myself with rolls and rolls of excess flesh?
I often eat when I’m bored but cannot seem to snap out of the doldrums when they hit. Does anyone have good suggestions on how to motivate yourself off the couch and into the gym or other activities? I’d welcome any suggestions, tricks, or mind games you’ve figured out.
It’s so easy to fall into a comfortable pattern. Like an old pair of slippers, I just slide into my same old routine without much thought.
That is the real work after having bariatric surgery, not the eating issues but the emotional routines that need to be examined and changed. I am forcing myself to get into the gym at least 3 times per week. I find all sorts of excuses (even though I really don’t mind exercising) to skip my workouts. I finally realized that as long as I go the gym directly from work, do not pass go or collect $200, I can do it. That’s the game I’m playing right now. It will be interesting to see what I come up with next….