Notes from a Deliberate Non-Mom

Happy Mother's Day

May 6, 2011 by

I’ve never been a mom. Even though I had the kind of mother every kid hopes for – one who was always there when I came home from school, who baked the best cookies in the neighborhood, who patiently listened to my teenage tales of angst and romance, and who taught me things I’d never learn in school like how to make my own clothes and tend a garden – I just never saw myself in that nurturing kind of role.

This was apparent from an early age when I’d be “playing dolls” with my friends. While they were busy with their “babies”, feeding them, changing their diapers, dressing and undressing them in various outfits and taking them for walks in their carriages, mine would always be sleeping until my imaginary husband came home to take care of it…..I mean her. While my baby slept, I’d be creating improv theater productions in the garage, complete with costumes from past dancing classes, and charging a nickel per show. I was clearly a creative.

But there weren’t any good role models for artists like me at the time, so I tried to be like my mom. I learned how to bake those cookies, I took on a Thanksgiving meal or two, and I dutifully attended every family gathering. I got married, got a house, and spent 40 hours per week at my nine-to-five and nights and weekends redecorating the house, weeding the gardens, and participating in the requisite Sunday dinners with the in-laws. My husband thought my biological clock would eventually kick in, but I knew it wouldn’t. I felt like I was living someone else’s life and I was certain there was something wrong with me.

Divorce threw everything in a totally different direction. Newly free to explore what my life might look like if I listened to my heart for a change, I finally began the long, arduous task of releasing who I thought I was supposed to be and becoming the person I was meant to be.

I am now a professional artist, writer and cultural entrepreneur. I’m not a mom, but I’m a great mentor and my artwork and creative ventures serve to inspire others. I am thankful I had a mom who provided the stable, nurturing environment I needed to be able to explore my artistic talents and that even to this day, she’s still there to welcome her creative child home. I wish my wonderful mom a Happy Mother’s Day, and I also raise a glass to all you women out there who chose a different path.




About the Author

Serena Kovalosky Has Written 10 Articles For Us!

Serena Kovalosky left an 18-year corporate career in the travel industry in search of a more creative lifestyle. Establishing herself as a successful professional sculptor, Serena now travels with the eye of an artist, exploring artists' studios, eclectic restaurants and cultural gems off the beaten path, chronicling her discoveries and sharing stories of the creative people she meets along the way.
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  1. Rebecca Crichton

    The world benefits from your creative ‘children.’ Good for you to recognize that your inner artist needed nurturing. Your kind support to all the girlfriends and your many posts show a life of deep inner meaning, rich with love and connection.

    • I love what you said…..”good for you to recognize that your inner artist needed nurturing.” I never saw myself as a nurturer, but an artistic life DOES need nurturing…so thanks for that, Rebecca! – SerenaK

  2. Serena – Thanks for the inspirational post to be true to yourself even though the road may curve. I’m reminded of a favorite poem from Robert Frost – “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I choose the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

    • Thanks Toby, that’s my all-time favorite poem, one that I kept on the wall in my cubicle when I was still in the corporate world. It helped me make that leap into the unknown so that I could discover who I really am. – SerenaK

  3. Notes from a Deliberate Non-Mom #memories #day #mothers #and #daughters #serena

  4. I love your story about the “baby” sleeping while you followed your interests. In a similar vein, the first sign I was not headed for motherhood was when I let our dog steal my one baby doll and chew its leg off.

  5. Debra A Pearlman

    S – I can vouch for your mom being so fun to spend time with. I loved our visits in Whitehall, checking on the garden and delicious chicken dinners. Happy Mother’s Day to your mom. And boy do I share your sentiments about being a mom. I’m happy to have a sister and brother that wanted children ’cause being an Aunt (and a Grantie) is great…wind them up and then give them back!

    • Mom says thanks for the Mother’s Day wishes, Debra! You’re lucky your siblings had kids, my brother is just like me so I don’t have any nieces or nephews to spoil (but I do have plenty of neighborhood kids that come around often enough!)

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