Cotton Candy and Circus Peanuts

Just a few more zzzzs please!

Apr 11, 2011 by Sheila Strekal

Hello there! If you are new here, you might want to subscribe to the RSS feed for updates on this topic.

Over the years I have dated a bit and learned some valuable things about men that I sometimes feel compelled to share with other women who may not have connected the dots about certain man-things.

I also occasionally share these pearls of wisdom with men so that they might be able to recognize certain aspects of their own personalities and adjust. They rarely adjust, but it makes me feel better to think that I tried.

One of the things that I’ve learned about men is that if they are awake, they feel their significant other should also be awake. If they are sleeping, their significant other should also be sleeping.

I don’t normally like to generalize, but I don’t feel that this is a generalization. It’s a fact. Something I have concluded after many years of research and several sleep-deprived relationships.

Every man I have ever been involved with has had an issue with me going to sleep before he is ready to sleep. If I am tired and want to go to bed, I should stay up until he is ready to go to bed.

If he is tired and I’m not, I should try to sleep anyway, because apparently if he goes to bed and I don’t, acrobats will miraculously appear in the living room and things will begin to float and the world will be smothered in cotton candy and circus peanuts, and that’s really not something a man should miss out on.

In my current relationship I thought I had found a man who would finally allow me to go to sleep on my own schedule. I was ecstatic!

The first time that I said “I’m tired, mind if I go to sleep?” and he replied “That’s fine. I’m gonna stay up.” I thought I had fallen in love. Little did I know it was a beginning-of-the-relationship ruse to make me think my state of sleepiness actually mattered. It didn’t.

Although his work is sporadic and he often doesn’t have to get up in the morning, he wants me to stay up until 1 or 2am to keep him company. It does not seem to matter that my alarm clock goes off at 5:20am, after which I snooze for an hour before I have to get up for work.

This happened the other day and as I was tip-toeing around the house getting ready for work and saw him snoring in my bed, snuggling with my dog, knowing that he would be like that until at least noon, I had to fight the very real urge to go over and punch him in the face. He would have slept through it anyway.

Another time, with an ex, we had both gone to bed and I was sound asleep when the following conversation occurred around 1am.

X in a desperate, loud whisper: “Sheila….Sheila….Sheila…”

Me, in a groggy, half-asleep croak: “Yeah?”

X, same whisper: “I can’t sleep.”

Me: “ok.”

Five or so minutes passed while I fell back to sleep.

X: “Sheila….Sheila….Sheila…”

Me: “Yeah?”

X: “I can’t sleep.”

Me: ‘Ok.”

X: “I might go home”

Me: “Ok.”

More time passed and I started to drift back to sleep.

X: “Sheila….Sheila….Sheila…”

Me: “WHAT?!”

X: “I can’t sleep. I’m going to go home.”

My internal voice: “GO!!! LEAVE!!! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!!”

My external voice: “OK. BYE.”

Once again, I started to drift back to sleep. Idiot didn’t move.

X: “Sheila….Sheila….Sheila…”

Me, gritting my teeth: “WHAT?!?”

X: “Yeah, yeah….I think I’m going to go home…I can’t sleep.”

At this point I started to get out of bed, because he was obviously afraid to walk through the dark house without an escort.

X: “What are you doing? You don’t have to get up. I don’t want to bother you. I’ll just go.”

Me, teeth still gritted, blood pressure rising: “No, it’s ok. I’ll walk you out.” (Silently appending “So I can get some damn sleep!!!”)

So he finally left and I tried to go back to sleep, but it didn’t work and I found myself still awake when my alarm clock erupted. Somehow I managed to make coffee and drag myself to work. Promptly at 8AM I received a phone call.

Me: “Hello.”

X: “Wow, you sound like crap. What’s wrong?”

Me: “I couldn’t fall back to sleep after you left.”

X: “You should have read something. That always puts me right to sleep.”

My internal voice: Swearing like a sailor.

My external voice: “Yeah, I should have tried that.”

Graphic credit: Etsy South Sea Imports

About the Author

Sheila Strekal Has Written 6 Articles For Us!

I live in Cleveland, OH and work as a developer in Information Technology. Two dogs and a cat allow me to live with them, but only if I provide food. I have Activity ADD, so the things I do during my non-work hours change regularly. The things that have remained consistent are kickboxing and yoga. Kickboxing and yoga seem to be at odds with each other in a philosophical sense, but they are both wonderful ways to work out stress. My love of animals has also remained consistent throughout my life. Through the years I’ve had several people tell me I should share my writing, but I am an extremely private and somewhat shy person so the idea of letting anyone in scares the crap out of me.

Getting The Latest Tweet...